never give up never give in..........so they say

so i kinda get the feeling no 1 is reading this so im gonna use it as a diary lol but if you do read it woop awsome
soooo my life at the mo is im stuck single sleep decides it doesnt like me and is dodging me like im a leper im falling for a girl i cnt be with which fucking kills but iv had it all my life that or iv lost the girl iv liked/loved so i should be able to bounce back and i have from me and the ex brkeing up but yeh thats life i find i say that alot thats life why is it why cnt we make stuff happen for ourselves and iv thought that for a while never give up never give in and iv come close before but now im on the edge i  step wrong and i know im hitting rock bottom for the first time in my life firstly i dont work as a single unit i just entr self destructive patterns of eating stupid things gaming and spending stupiod amounts of time in front of a p.c screen such as now woop im living the high life why cnt i just be happy alone other people are people say im an awsome guy i am so sweet and careing and loverly  but yet girls dnt give me the time of day if any 1 is reading this i dont know why the lonely rablings of a 19 year old but if you wanna get in touch or any one is in the same situation email me on jamieleddo@yahoo.co.uk

ok soooooo this is strange for me

right hey im back soooooooooooooo yeh i really like this girl like alot its the first girl iv really liked since my ex like realy liked not just wow shes hot  im starting too fall for her and she doesn't like me back in that way at all .....so yeh that feels amazing i mean at the party on sat she was the most beautiful girl there i mean wow everything about her blows my mind just everything but i know i van never be with her girls like her and guys like me arnt ment to be together i mean shes like 100% epic and im well im mee the geeky warhammer playing loser thats the type of guys girls see as the friend  im not very good looking and im not super smart and i dont have alot of money too spare but i am caring but i dont think thats what girls look for tbh i always try to be a gent thats how i got my ex i always do what i can for any one but i supose you get what your given in life that was the party if you wanted too see and i know i probs ruin the pitcher but hey i loved my costume it was a good night thanks to every 1 there

hidden blades and party days

 sooooooo yehhhhh hey! i dont really have much going on today or have i for a few days now so that's why iv not been blogging soooo here i am tonight im going to a costume party that i have been waiting for ever for becouse my ex mad me an ezio auditore costume and i finally have a reason too ware it woop! also i finished batman arkham city
 sooo thats awsome its better then the first i love gliding i mean your just like
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee kick guy in head orrrr wooooo i can see everything from here i also
 still have a huuge love of ace combattt omg its ssooooogoood i mean jets missiles helicopters and its just like
 boom boom boom you win it also kinda helps that im reallygood at it soooooo yeh party time
 oooooo iv started playing rugby again second row for those of u who know rugby
 its a forward for those of you that dont so i doo all the hard work while
 the backs sit back and play with them selves hmmmmmmmmmmm
i need to get up but i really cant be arsed classic rock blogging and bed is far too appealing to get up from
but i supose i better go il rite again soon

to the girl who text me after midnight to ask how tall i was :)

so yeh u know who you are look you are amazing and beautiful and an amazing friend you jhave put up with so much shit and still been there for me when iv needed you weather it was old woman feeling me up or the way i felt bout my self you helped ALOT and ui can honestly say your amazing the bitch [u know who i mean] should shut her mouth her sons one incredibly lucky guy and you are a very patient person id do anything for you keep the texts that make me smile coming your beautiful and brilliant :)

the geek is back and this time its nerdy

heyyy gesss what jamie is back i have had my head up my ass for too long and it ends here i have one thing to say and that is thank you to all my friends they have supported me so much through this strange time there have been many some coming far out there way to get stake and give me hugs and look after me on a hard night and others who got me drunk and made me sing on karieoky but you have all helped so much and i love you all i dont wanna list coz il forget people but thank you all of you you are the best friends a guy could ever need i adore you all and i thank you so much for this year and other times in my life :D love you all and thank you to the new friend whos blog i love and has already helped me alot to all of you your awesome and yes im gonna be geeking up my life from now on

love hate and war high school for a the different kid

right il start with me from a young age i was different i must stress this though i loved it i am me and that's all i can be over the last few months after a few crazy years im starting to find me again and i got to thinking  high school was shit i never really fit in the geeks i wasn't hated or beat up every day but i wasnt popular at all i had my friends and i wouldn't change them ever but some times it was hell to start with i dont like football i play rugby in my year in school i was the only one that did and i didnt know who half the players that were being talked about when it came too football this for some strange reason made guys think i was stupid but what ever i lived then when it comes to playing football im even worse now this is were it got bad  if people on my team were good firt of all i felt bad because  im big on the team ethos but second they would physically go for me i had one lad in a p.e lesson physically hit me because a messed up a kick i worked out quick that the lads in my school respected three things how good you were at sport [only available while playing said sport] the girl you were with or how well you fought now me i remember one P,E lesson the bigger lads were like lets smash jamie  now that was there first mistake knocked them on there ass ran all the way in to scare this happened 3 or 4 times then they try to do the same to me i dropped them every time and then that day i was respected i felt grate but the next its back to lets take the piss outta jamie then came the hard part of school and still my life now girls hmmmmm i was never and am still not amazingly attractive im not the worst looking guy in the world but im not stunning and where im from i stuck out about a light year i had long hair  did not stick to fashion and did not listen to the music most people did this did not bode well for me trying to find a girl and it didnt go well so i spent most of high school getting like a 1 week relationship then being dumped getting upset getting beat up and genrally not having tht most stable time i was at that point  pacifistic i would never thourgh a punch back id just get my self out  but then all hell oprend up the group of friends from "years above us left leaving our group smaller and there had been a few "disagreements" so there was blood in the water and the sharks came the kids from the year below us got ballsy nd started fights were there were three of them and one of us we had bricks thrown at us they were throwing full cans of coke bags filled with ink and i even got a bottle of piss thrown over me it started small and got bigger its when i saw how bad it wass affecting the people around me i decided to fight back i could take any one of them one on one but on on 3 or more was harder i can say i stoood my ground and never backed down through cuts bruises and even major knee damage it all ended one Monday with me and 2 friends in a brawl against about 25 other lads i got my knee fucked up but we made our stand and our point and im proud of that and all this was becouse by some stupid idea i was different and a lower class of person it happens every day not just in high school this is just my story but there are many more and many worse i had the only thing to get me though my friends thats all that got me out the other side and i thank them for that and to any one reading this thinking this is happening to me now send me a comment let me try to help THIS SHOULD NOT HAPPEN WE ARE ALL EQUAL NO MATTER OF RACE WEALTH BLOOD LINE GENDER SEXUALITY NOTHING MATTER BECOUSE APART WE FALL TOGETHER WE STAND every one is different that is why we work as a race accept differences don't punish it

those moment that start new chapters in you life

soo a year ago today i kissed my ex for the first time and i knew life was looking up then in January my mum was  told she had cancer for the third time nd here comes life smashing back to earth my mum lived nd is ok so far my ex went uni  and sadly we didn't last nd thats life again goes back to knocking me down nd this just this year life is filled with these moments but most the time we forget the happy moments right now im alone i don't like it  i need people in my life but i dont think il be meeting any one soon maby this is just the sad blog of a nobody that's  sad bitter nd lonely but i just wish these moments could leave me alone the last three years have been so hard and it wont let up to let the pain end i just wish that i could have a nice shock for once is it just me or is it every one nd has ny one ever been pulled out of this spiral if any one reads this let me know